just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
