3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
