You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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