also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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