alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
