Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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