There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize