i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
