My nipple is on Facebook.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
