I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
