im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
