Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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