Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
