he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
