She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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