I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
