Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
