So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize