Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Randomize
