this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
