Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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