I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
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