Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Even my vagina gasped.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
