Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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