I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
