I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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