I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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