All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
His hands were made for my vagina.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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