We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
