if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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