I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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