If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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