dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
So squirting runs in the family.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My feet surprised me
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