I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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