I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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