Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize