Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
