I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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