I'm going to jail i love you
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have already put on my inside pants.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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