...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
