So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
