I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
