He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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