oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
