why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize