Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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