Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
