how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
