It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Of course I have a pirate flag
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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