Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
