Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
