yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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