Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
