3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
