How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
