I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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