oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
