Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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