I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
