and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Let's get the cat blown out
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
COCAINE IS GR8
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
