I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I think im going to throw up on grandma
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
