we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
