found the other keg... it's in the tree
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
