After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
