FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I want a musical about memes.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
