It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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