I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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