dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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