you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
