I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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