Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
