Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
