There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
