best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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