Whoa Z and x make the same sound
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
